My next interview is with Either End of the Leash. She is in her second year of university and her third year of BDSM. She switches with her boyfriend about whom she told me,
I just feel lucky that I’ve found someone that I really like, where we’ve created an open, trusting relationship that we can explore our kinks in and not be judged or limited.
- How would you describe yourself, your sexual tastes, and your power exchange preference?
I’m a queer, sex-positive feminist, and I would say that my sexual tastes and preferences reflect this to some degree. I have a very high sex drive, and sex is very important to my intimate romantic relationships; I need to have a lot of it, it needs to be good, and it needs to be kinky. I’m a switch, so I might be on either side of the power exchange, depending on the person or persons I’m having sex with at the time. Generally, I submit to my current partner and am considered hir “alpha sub”, but I definitely have a very strong Dominant streak of my own that likes to come out and play for anywhere from a session to weeks at a time.
- How did you begin to explore domination?
Although I have had experience with Kink for about three and a half years, I only started exploring my Domme side about eight months ago because I was sleeping with someone who was also a switch. Ze allowed me to explore this side of myself during a couple of sessions, and that was when I realized that I really enjoyed it and wanted it. I’m still a little hesitant to Domme because of my limited experience and because my partner has some baggage related to a former Domme, but I love doing it.
- Tell me what it is about domination that appeals to you.
What about domination doesn’t appeal to me might have a shorter answer. In all seriousness, it’s a lot of things. First and foremost, I love the combination of power and protection I have over the person submitting to me. As a Domme, I feel a strong desire to protect and care for my sub and not just revel in my control over hir, and that comes out a lot. I also love that what I see in a sub is a reflection of what I would probably be doing if I were in that position. Having the power a Domme has over a sub is exhilirating, and that alone tends to get me aroused pretty early into a scene. I definitely enjoy being able to demand things solely for my own pleasure and without apology, knowing that I am entitled to that treatment (as long as I remain a caring and attentive Domme adhering to SSC).
- Describe your ideal partner, and your ideal relationship?
The most important thing to have with any partner and relationship is a great deal of love, trust, and mutual respect. In this respect, I guess I am kind of in my ideal relationship at the moment, and I definitely have my ideal partner. I want someone that I can switch with and to be in a relationship where both of us feel comfortable being on either side of the switch. My partner has some issues from being abused by hir former Domme, so ze isn’t really in a place to sub for longer than a couple of weeks and is easily triggered by certain things or behaviors, and this is something I would like to change both for hir personal happiness and for an ideal relationship. It has been pretty difficult to find someone that is as kinky and cheerfully willing to try as much in the bedroom as I am, and finding someone like that has been incredibly fantastic and so fun and satisfying. Finding someone I mesh with both intellectually and sexually has been one of the best things to happen to me as an adult.
- Would you say domination is something that is part of one relationship, or something that is part of you? If, in some other reality, that relationship ended, do you you see yourself in another relationship involving it?
While I had not explored domination in previous relationships, I would say that having the ability to experience and express it has opened a door that will not be shut easily. At this point, I don’t think I could ever be a submissive or slave to someone without being able to switch or have my own pet and be a Domme because I would feel unsatisfied. There would definitely be something significant missing from my sex life. I would like to continue being in relationships that involve Kink, but I would have to make it clear to my partner that I need to experience both sides of the spectrum, either with him or with another partner that was my Dom(me) or pet, whichever aspect is missing.
- Do you think there is a connection between feminism and femdom? If so, how would you characterize it?
There’s definitely connections between feminism and femdom. The obvious one is that the female is the one wielding power in femdom, especially so in a heterosexual scene. Beyond that, a Domme is exercising her right to express her sexuality however she damn well pleases. Any woman engaging in BDSM had better be a feminist, because without that core freedom to express and experience sexuality however she wishes, that woman would not be able to exercise her kinky sexuality. A Domme is simply the most obvious and straightforward example of this because she is taking a forceful, powerful role in sex and demanding pleasure for herself unapologetically.
- The cultural image of women who prefer to take the lead sexually is rarely positive. How has that affected you?
It’s definitely made it a little more difficult for me to be comfortable with this side of my sexuality, but that’s not any different than my struggle to be comfortable with my sexuality as a whole in a society that views BDSM, the queer community, and promiscuous women as deviant and unacceptable. I’m starting to learn how to be cheerfully radical and deviant and not give a damn, but it’s a work-in-progress.
- Are you involved in a community of like-minded people [locally, online, etc]? If so, how is that experience for you? If not, have you avoided it purposefully?
I have a FetLife and a kinky Tumblr, but I hardly use the former and pretty anonymously use the latter. I would like to be more involved in the Kink community, but I am uncomfortable with the idea of showing up alone and haven’t had the opportunity to go with my partner or with friends, although I really hope to in the future.
- Does being dominant in a non-sexual setting (work, etc) energize you?
When I don’t know anyone I’m with or when I’m actually at my fantastic minimum-wage job, I tend to be pretty shy and quiet, but that is really the only situation. In classrooms or settings where I know at least one other person, I am simply a naturally dominant person and it has nothing to do with my sexuality. I don’t feel energized or sexually charged by it (in fact I quite often feel the opposite), but my character is just fairly dominant and somewhat aggressive as long as I have something like intellectual discussion or a familiar person to help me get over my initial shyness.
- Which of the love languages would you say you prefer?
When it comes to things that I personally do, I prefer to give Acts of Service and Physical Touch because I like to do things that will allow me to care for the person I love and to comfort and protect them. I find this meaningful and also much easier for me to do than express myself with language. Funnily enough, I would rather recieve Words of Affirmation and and a tie between Quality Time and Physical Touch. I don’t have any interest in things being done for me because I don’t feel right in that situation, but I do really need someone who will prove that they are attentive to me and appreciate and love me.
If you have any questions, ask them in the comment section.
Many thanks for a great interview!