Hey everyone! Weezie here, doing another guest post. Thanks for giving me a soap box again, DD!
I don’t like kinky porn, and though I’ve written about it a few times I wasn’t quite sure exactly why I didn’t like it.
As I was lying in bed pondering, I realized it was the same reason why I’ve always been disappointed with local kink meetups, parties, and most kinky people in general.
I jumped up out of bed and whipped up this (grossly over-simplified) Venn-diagram:
THE FINE PRINT
Now, I know this diagram is missing a lot of things. Where do friends fit in? What about musical tastes? What about things like Trust, and Romance? The internal labels, too, should be filled with hundreds of examples instead of just the one or two that are there now. Please, feel free to fill in any missing details you want – but this is as simple as I could get my concept. :)
Note that I am using a Venn-diagram for clarity here. In reality, there are no hard lines – no blacks and whites, just shades of grey. Lines always blur and there are usually exceptions.
When I sat back and first looked at this diagram, and how it related to me, I noticed that I didn’t like any of the individual circles. I’d hate to have a sexual experience without intimacy, for example. I’d also have trouble if any of these circles was missing; a life without kink? Yikes!
So for me personally, the center tile is the best possible experience – a perfect mix of sexuality, intimacy, and kink.
I then compared the diagram to what I see at the local kink events. The kink circle is pretty much always present, as to be expected. The Sexuality circle is usually out in full force, too – even if a particular venue for a play-party doesn’t allow full-on sexytimes doesn’t mean there isn’t a thick atmosphere of sexuality all around. So “Sexual Kink” tile of the diagram is very well represented.
Likewise in porn, it’s almost always entirely the sex circle. Even if it’s labelled as kink, kink can be missing entirely! But sometimes it is there, if you look around in the right places.
The one element that I never see is the Intimacy circle.
IT’S HARD TO REPRESENT INTIMACY
I’m not saying that intimacy isn’t present at local kink events, or that people in porn don’t care for each other, or anything like that. I know that there are many loving relationships going on that have a ton of intimate moments. The problem I have seems to be the lack of VISIBILITY for Intimacy [within kink].
As members of a kink community, we are particularly open with our sexual attitudes. We discuss sexual topics that are normally taboo, and we revel in our kink with each other. Why aren’t we so open about intimacy though? Why do we still reserve that for the special at-home times or our semi-private after-care corners?
Intimacy is so important to me, my sexuality, and my kink – I expected the local groups to be a bit more open about that kind of stuff. I expect it to be better represented in the porn field. I find anything without to feel hollow and shallow. I was actually taken aback by how hidden that part of us is, and how absent it is from the public view, when attending local munches even.
Can’t we strive to do better?