Answers, I haz em!

So, I have received some questions and  now that I’m taking a break from quizzing everyone else I thought I would offer some answers of my own.
I have combined questions that were very similar and streamlined them also…the wording may be my interpretation of the questions.
  • 1. “Why do you spell Dishevelled wrong?”  and also,  “What is with that name?”
I blame the spelling issue on a heavy British influence during my early language acquisition. I didn’t just make it up though, millions of people actually do spell it that way.

World English Dictionary

dishevelled or  (USdisheveled  (dɪˈʃɛv ə ld)
— adj
1. (esp of hair) hanging loosely
2. (of general appearance) unkempt; untidy
[C15 dischevelee,  from Old French deschevelé,  from des- dis-  + chevel  hair,

from Latin capillus]

I chose this word as part of my moniker because I have rather wild hair, always closer to this than this, and also because I wanted to be clear that I do not buy into the untouchable ice-queen view of dominant women. The descriptor I personally get most often is cute, also occasionally cuddly, and even (sometimes) clutzy, which doesn’t really go with the whole ice-queen thing anyway.
As for the second part of  my name, well, there is a bit of a story there. I’ve been reading about bdsm since I discovered it about 20 years ago and I concluded pretty quickly that the scene was never going to be a place for me and my husband. We just wanted to play our games with each other, and felt no particular need to include anyone else. Although periodically I have been involved in online communities. I was a member of a discussion board in the mid-nineties (oooo, old school) that focused on matters of sex between couples. It was a great environment for several years; well-moderated, open-minded, open-hearted, and very educational. Inevitably, server troubles choked out and strangled the group but while it lasted it was wonderful. However, it was also the first place anyone said to me, “Oh, you are a dominant woman? You should become a pro and make money!”
Not realizing the depth, and the scope of this issue, I addressed it as if this one, clearly illogical, human was the only person who would say something so ridiculous.
My answer was something along the lines of, “How is being paid to perform a service for someone else a dominant act?” Oooh, how naive was I, hm?
Anyway, I chose the domina part of my name (despite its lack of popularity with a certain blog-idol of mine) because I like the fact it sounds feminine and speaks to my dominant tendencies. For a number of reasons figuring out how those two part of who I am was something of a challenge for me so I chose to use the more distinctly feminine forms of the word dominant for reasons that are significant to me.
  • 2.  How old are you? Are you single? Will you be my magic sex genie domme? 
I’m 40. I am very married. I actually told the story of the first time I tied up my husband over here.
Over on Tumblr I gave this general intro  which I thought would make it clear I was all set on the fucktoy front, but evidently not.
There are two issues though to be addressed. First, I’m not looking, thanks. Second, damn but a lot of you sub guys really need to read this.
  • 3. Why did you decide to start blogging?
I want a place to say what works for me, and discuss what interests me. I want to help make it clear that there are just about as many ways to be kinky as there are kinky people. For a long time I was reading about BDSM and extracting the stuff that worked for me. I was doing what worked for us and thought of it as kinda sorta D/s but since I wasn’t going to clubs and smacking men for money, etc. I didn’t use that language. I didn’t really label it, or discuss it much. Being a woman who likes to run the fucking (especially if you aren’t particularly invested in being in charge of everything else in life) and has no interest in all the stereotypical dominatrixtrixy things can make a gal feel like she doesn’t quite fit. I’m pretty comfortable with that territory as I’ve never fit in anywhere in my entire life. However, I’ve changed how I think about that, largely due to Bitchy Jones. I loved her blog! It was someone saying all the stuff in femdommery with which I didn’t identify was, in fact, not the important or good parts of it. The archive of her blog is missing much of my favorite content, but it is still pretty damn good. Bitchy is the woman who empowered me to say, doing this my way is completely legit. Wearing uncomfortable shoes, latex, leather, or bright red lipstick isn’t required (though you should feel free if it makes YOU happy). I don’t have to get off on whipping people I don’t know, or playing in clubs, or, or… whatever!  Yay, I win!
I am in a loving, long-term relationship with a man I respect and adore. We raise our kids together, and have worked our way through challenges and tragedies. The fact that I am sexually dominant is only one facet of a very complex relationship. I want this version of femdom to get some airtime.
  • 4. You have a huge list of blogs on your Blogroll there. Any particular favorites? Where should I start?
My currently most  favorite domme blogs are by Ferns, Dev, and Stabbity and my top favorite subguy blogs (that are open to the public) are Thumper and Tom Allen.
If you have any questions feel free to ask them!
Use the comment section or email me;
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6 responses to “Answers, I haz em!

  • Tom Allen

    Tom Allen? Didn’t he usedbto have a sex blog? Whatever happened to that guy?

    Seriously, I’m glad to see that you and a few others have taken up the interest, and to let people know that things don’t have to be a certain way simply because the Old Guard (or the tittilation crazed media) says so.

    • dishevelleddomina

      I remember when he used to have a sex blog!

      Now it’s just a double digit sized model porn blog, not that I’m complaining ;)

  • Peroxide

    Did someone actually use the term “Magic sex genie?” That’s kind of awesome.

    …reading about BDSM and extracting the stuff that worked for me.

    I’ve been doing this as well, one of my favorite things about your blog is that I don’t have to do as much extracting here to get out information that is useful to me.

    • dishevelleddomina

      Actually… magic sex genie is my own creation.
      I use it to explain what I am expecting

      Glad to hear you find some useful info here! That makes me feel all useful and stuff.

  • thumper

    I chose this word as part of my moniker because I have rather wild hair, always closer to this than this, and also because I wanted to be clear that I do not buy into the untouchable ice-queen view of dominant women.

    I’ve always thought it was endearing…

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